Drive

I don’t want another day not knowing what I want. I don’t want another empty prayer. I want to know what is real. Help me find my place in you God. Only you can remove my sorrow. I am lost without you, but even with you there’s something missing. I need more of you, that thing that seems so distant. Purpose. Passion. A true desire for you. I am nothing without but even with you there is something missing. I have you but my pursuit is missing. There is so much more of you but my desire is limited. How cannot want what you have, except at the moment I simply don’t want much. I am content also to complacency and have little drive for the things of greatness. I need more of you but why should you give it.

I have squandered those things that you have given me. Not appreciated your blessings. I have dismissed saints and opportunities when they did not suit my interest. I am coming back to myself but what I am finding is little. Little passion. Little drive. Simplicity. However this littleness may be just what I need. Stability and a relationship that isn’t emotionally based, where one day I love God and the next I don’t feel like doing much. Perhaps in this I have finally grown to be used as a mature example of the faith. I do desire God but it is not impassioned, but boldness does increase. Fear is dissipating. Fear has been the hindering emotion in the past. Fear has been my companion much more than passion. Perhaps one could almost say that my passion was fear. Fear of rejection, fear of the unknown. Fear of success or failure. Fear of getting close.

I have little to lose at this point. But perhaps out of that little I will gain everything. It is time to choose. This choice will not be one of compulsion but of knowledge. A stable knowledge. For emotions are unstable but knowledge is. For knowledge is factual and emotions change with the wind.

Perhaps what is missing is that fact has escaped me and I must choose a fact. That love is what I truly want and love is what I get with God. That love is where true passion and purpose come from.

I don’t have much but what I have is a desire for greater things.

Works of God and God Himself are what brings greatness in.

For works of flesh are vain indeed and passion of flesh the same.

I choose life and love and grace, for these rejuvenate me.