Unforgiven Self

(This Blog is rather unusual as I typically insist on quoting passages but this time I did not. If there is any need for references ask).

As I write this certain words ring through my mind. "Stop hating yourself and love God." It's an interesting phrase with interesting implications.

I run the risk of over simplifying or even over analyzing it as I right this to the point of worthlessness, it would not be the first time. What this is stating is to hate yourself is to hate God and to love yourself is to love God. You can have it one way or another but not both.

In 1 John we read how we cannot say we hate our brother and say we love God. It may be have not God in us but either way the implications on the surface are the same. Now obviously upon first being saved you don't have to have forgiven everyone you possibly have a grudge against but if you take Jesus words literally after the parable of the (oh what was that name) the unforgiving servant. Oh well Jesus didn't name them. It's the one where the servant is brought before the king and he owes him like a million dollars. The king forgives him until later when the servant does not forgive a lesser servant of his very small debt (something like 1 dollar). At this point the king summons him back, forgives the lesser debtor and throws the first servant in prison. After this Jesus says (this may be abbreviated) "If we forgive those that have trespass against us then God will forgive us, but if we do not forgive those who have a trespass against us then God will not forgive us." In the Lord's Prayer he also says, "forgive us as we forgive those that has trespassed against us." If taken literally at all we must forgive others to be forgiven, another practice of sowing and reaping. This is basic, even more basic than those subjects listed in Hebrews 6.

But unforgiveness of self is similar but different. It is similar in that we must forgive ourselves if we will truly be forgiven by God. If what we lose on earth will be loosed in heaven is true for another how much truer is it for ourselves. Whenever there is unforgiveness with another we will suspect that they are going to do the same things again, and to an extent we will expect them to do the same things to others. Unforgiveness in this case negates the part of love that causes us to expect the best out of people. In the same way what we expect from ourselves will impact what we expect others to do.

It is different however in that unforgiveness of self is the cause of false humility and self-destructive tendencies. When one has not forgiven themselves they will expect themselves to fail or even cause themselves to fail. They will not want success for themselves but will consistently try to harm themselves in some way (this could also fit in the similar category). This is why addictions are rooted in this. If a person truly loved themselves enough once they recognized that they were destroying themselves that they would stop. It sounds simple but if you knew that your mother was walking towards a train track and even though it would hurt her to stop her from dying because of the train you would. Why is it any different than when we have a destructive issue ourselves?

The truth is that unless you've truly never failed yourself you will likely have some sort of unforgiveness towards yourself. The easiest way to see it is if there is a destructive tendency in your life that has not changed even though you tried. It may be an addiction, it may be an addictive relationship, it may be some form of self hatred where you put yourself down, or it may simply be a bad habit that one does not care enough about to change. In my case it is self discipline, aka laziness. It has mainly been in the forms of personal finance, keeping my body healthy, and wanting to fight God's will for my life. One is their own worst enemy when they have not forgiven themselves. They will never perceive themselves good enough, which though theologically true, they will then take God's job upon themselves to try to stop themselves from success. Moses would be an example I believe in that he even when God said that he was calling him (from a supernaturally burning bush, obviously God!) he still did not think he was capable. Now there was a level of lack of faith there, but how much was a lack of faith in God's power and a lack of faith in that Moses believing God would pick him. After the plagues Moses seems to have no issue with this while everyone but Caleb and Joshua did.

How about Elijah, the man that calls fire down from heaven than flees for his life. We find out later he had a bit of self pity (btw self pity can also be a sign because even though you want to punish yourself you outwardly want sympathy. I believe that this is because one can't love themselves they need love form somewhere so they'll get it from pity is they can). The Bible seems filled with characters that don't like themselves, or at least some aspect of themselves.

Simply one who has unforgiveness towards themselves will passively or actively punish themselves.

Possible symptoms of self unforgiveness (that I know of):
Addiction
Cutting/self mutilation
Destructive relationships
Focusing on one's weaknesses and failures.
Self destructive behavior (Laziness/ lack of self discipline)
Consciously/Unconsciously looking for ways to weaken one's success
Self pity (this self pity typically is looking for sympathy but will usually not search for a solution because they want a reason to not try and give up on themselves)
Suicidal thoughts
An unwillingness to be happy no matter how good their lives are.
Consistently wanting to change their lives (discontentment).
The inability to pray for one's self in a positive manner (blessings/promises).
Failure to accept love from others.

Note: These are also signs of emotional/spiritual wounds. But as any psychologist can tell you many people blame themselves for things even if it wasn't their fault. This is not an all exclusive list nor do these symptoms mean that there is unforgiveness towards one's self, they are all symptoms of some sort of wound.

Salvation:
The way to forgive one's self is pretty much the same way that one forgives anyone else. They recognize that they are like everyone else and make mistakes, realize that God is the judge not us, and pray for God's forgiveness.

However this can have a serious flaw in the first part of that in that if we recognize that everyone is flawed like us we can begin to hate everyone that we believe has the base traits that we have. This could also be passive or active.
The real solution is this, that we are created in God's image and because of this if we hate ourselves we hate what God made. Not only that we hate the IMAGE OF GOD, in other words it would be like going to a Buddhist temple and spitting on Buddha, or if you believed Zeus was real it would be like going to his temple and telling him you thought he was a horrible god. The image of a god is the ultimate representation of a god. God gave us the greatest gift ever in that we are His image (remember to separate specific attributes of specific humans form God, especially those created after we were separated from God). To insult humanity itself is like kicking Jesus in the leg. You are a human, you are the image of God. Not only that but you are a unique perspective of the image of God that no one else it like. If God was Davinci you could be the Mona Lisa, the last supper, or maybe even his drawings of an ancient parachute. There is only one you, strengths and weaknesses and all. Every brush stroke that is on your canvas, every note that flows from the violin of God's orchestral performance is uniquely you, and no one else has your attributes.

To not forgive you is to cause God not to forgive you. To hate yourself is to hate the God that made you. To damage yourself is to damage the very image of God.

Process:
1. Ask God to forgive you for not forgiving yourself and asks for help to forgive yourself.
2. Pray blessings for yourself.
3. Continue this process as long as it takes.
4. If needed get counseling or outside help.