Warning Adult content
I can't say who exactly I should be sharing my story with but it comes out at random moments to various people. I try not to talk about myself too much except when relating to others. I will continue to trust God to tell whom I should tell.
Jesus died for me. That's the simple answer. I've known this so simply so long that I wonder how much power it actually has. It wasn't even the basis of my faith, knowing it and knowing it was God's will for me to accept it were the biggest motivators to get saved. My lack of emotions must also come into play. I have recognised both my lack of passion and authenticity lately and how much it must be a hinderance to my ministry. I want to show God's love more and maybe it is because I have too intellectual of a knowledge of what Jesus has done for me.
Jesus came down from heaven, willfully losing all power to die, knowing he would die. I know this but that seems simple too me as I don't want power except to help people. Giving up power for the sake of the world does not seem that hard for me, and that's probably because of how much love God has given me for others. I'm too logical for this to have that great of an effect for me. The sacrifice of one for many just makes sense, it was none the less an act of love and humility to give it up.
He took a massive beating and still pressed on. Not only that but he knew he would take the beating. This is more impressive to me. Most people would cringe at the thought of having to go through that much pain and most would flee to protect themselves. He did this not to some people that had been nice to him, but to those that were putting him through it.
Not only this but he was more misunderstood than anyone else on earth. For me this would be the hardest part. Most of us feel like no one understands or alone and we get depressed. Some of us even get angry. But the fact is that all of us pure humans are facing what millions of others have in some form or another. Jesus was fully man and fully God. He had never sinned. He understood us but how could we possobly understand him. He willfully went to the cross knowing he would be seperated from the only one who ever could give him comfort and take upon him all the pain, shame and imorality of the world at once. You think your emotions are bad imagine feeling everyone's. Imagine having to feel all the pain from adulteries, rapes, molestations, abuses of all sorts, being thrown out on the street, seeing your loved ones dying before your eyes, and every other thing that has ever been felt. He took upon himself all the shameful thoughts and actions I have ever done or sill do. If anything death must have been a sweet release once it came upon him. We fear rejection and abandonment, it actually happened to him, and he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt it would happen and walked right into it. It was for the very people that rejected him.
Jesus faced the greatest tortures man could ever know of all types but took it willingly for me. For that I own Him more gratitude than I could ever give.
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